I was trying to figure out where I wanted to go with this post...surgery, chemo, reconstruction or posting random thoughts. I thought about maybe just leaving the topic up to whomever, if anyone, was reading the blog. Let the reader post some questions and I would answer, but what if truly nobody is reading? I would be waiting an awfully long time to answer questions from nobody...right? So, I decided to attempt a kind of chronological post. I've pretty much covered how I was diagnosed and the meeting with the surgeon, but I haven't addressed the surgery itself. I must preface the post by stating, thanks to the miraculous powers of morphine, it might be a little fuzzy. I do remember the morning of surgery. For my family, if I have not said to you how truly grateful I am to have all of you and how much I love you for showing up at the hospital.....I apologize, but I am and I do so very much!! I will say though, they partied at lunch while I was out of it!! :))))
I got to the hospital early, of course because hospitals want you there early and make you hang around and wait....which I did. I don't think I need to describe the usual surgery preps here....it would bore me to tears to do so and you to read it...we'll just say, checked in, checked over and in my hospital gown on a gurney. The breast health nurse, Jackie, what a wonderful person...I can't stress that enough, she came in and explained they would be putting a radioactive type of chip in the spot of the tumor. This would enable the surgeon to find the exact spot of the tumor. She held my hand all the way through that procedure, which she said would hurt, but didn't. I felt bad, she was holding my hand tighter than I was holding hers...I think it may of hurt her more than me :)) I didn't feel a thing...the funniest part was the techs in radiology were having a potluck and they put the food in the treatment room, which upset Jackie and the radiologist inserting the isotope ( I know that's probably the wrong term, but I'm using it anyway). Food around radioactive materials...made me laugh then and now, but also made me very hungry at the time.
Back to the pre-op room and visits from my Mom, the kids and my Dad. The kids said a prayer for me and my Dad stayed and held my hand....until it was time to go to surgery...that's the last lucid memory I have of that day. I remember, so very vaguely, waking up in my room and seeing my nephew Joey and his girlfriend Molly, then lights out again. Later that night, my roommate was having some sort of trouble and I remember her signing herself out...I was happy because she was loud and I was sleepy. In the middle of the night I woke up in pain and sick. The nurse brought crackers and sprite...but no go. The hospital staff was cleaning the room because of the vacancy left by my roommate and I remember a woman had just finished the bathroom and I knew I was going to be sick....let's just say I remember doing a lot of apologizing to her. I was in pain...serious pain. I thought I could handle it, and tried, but when the nurse came back she gave me a shot of morphine and I was so grateful...the warmth spread over my incision, the pain was gone, and I was out!
I went home the next morning...funny I don't remember much about the day and even trying to remember it now, I can't. I know the night was awful, I couldn't sleep, and no matter how I tried to position myself looking for relief, the pain was awful. I spent that night mostly awake, and crying. Fortunately the next morning, my Dad and Mom showed up...I should explain here I'm lucky enough to have 2 Mom's...one is divorced from my Dad, the other is married to my Dad. My Mom and Dad brought tempurpedic pillows and they, along with the one I got from the hospital, were lifesavers. My left arm needed support to prevent pain and later, when I was able to sleep on my stomach again, the pillows filled the void where the breast had been. I was bandaged, I had drains coming out of the incisions and a special support bra....that looked awful but felt really good. I felt much better the 2nd day and progressively better each day after. There was a lot I wasn't allowed to do, driving being one of them, so I spent a lot of time sitting around with my arm propped on a pillow...like the Queen of England!! Not really as much fun as it may sound. Okay...I'm finished for now. If anyone is out there and you do have any questions, ask me...I don't mind. I'll answer just about anything...
ta, ta for now
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