Revisiting "Revisiting"

First, let me apologize for all the times I switched between past and present tense in the previous post....my fingers got the better of me.  As someone with a degree in English, granted it is in literature and not grammar, I should know better. 
I wanted to address a couple of things...I don't intend this blog as a reminder that it's been 5 years since the diagnosis "so everyone pay attention to me". What this is, is a way for me to reflect and address some of the feelings that I had and have.  In my head, I handled the situation with such grace and strength, but sometimes there is a nagging, much like an annoying toothache.  The kind of toothache that you know is there, but it's not bad enough to see anyone about.  The nagging sometimes feels as though I didn't handle my diagnosis in a genuine fashion. By that I mean maybe I handled it the way I thought others could handle me handling it.  Make sense?  I don't know, if anyone will find this post, or even read it, but I need to reflect on some things.
I know, and shared, I was scared at the oncologists office...but I was petrified the day I saw the surgeon.  This was real, this was not a cold, I couldn't take an anti-biotic and be done with it...nope this was major, this was cancer and this required chemo and chemo required I lose my hair.  Silly isn't it to worry so much about hair? Hair grows back, but my breast would not..oh I would have the plastic surgery,but it wasn't my breast, it wasn't the one I was born with,  one of the ones I nursed my children with.  I'm so glad my son was with me that day....if you want to know my reactions to what the surgeon was telling me, you'll have to ask him...I felt, and still feel, like it went by in a blur and  I don't really trust my memory of that visit. 
I don't know why, but I feel sadder now, than I did then.  I think at the time everything was moving so quickly, it just seemed as though everything was happening "boom,boom,boom"..."we'll do x,y,z". Diagnosed in October, surgery in November and chemo in December...just that fast.  One piece of advice, if you're out there reading this and you, god forbid, have to go through this ...SLOW DOWN...TAKE A BREATH...YOU HAVE TIME...GET A SECOND OPINION!!!!
I would not have died by slowing down and looking at all my options...I just felt as though once the conveyor belt started, I couldn't get it stopped.  Okay...enough sharing.
Ta,ta for now.