"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Chemo...where do I start?  I guess I'll start with my start of treatment and see where we end up.  December 9, 2005.  First of all, can I just say how dismal the waiting area was where I had to go for treatment? The place has since been remodeled...thank God.  It was so depressing, everyone sitting around a dreary waiting room, looking at each other trying to figure out where each one of us happened to be in the process.  The only distractions being an old 13" t.v. in the corner, and the comings and goings of others.  Sad, sad, sad...I don't know why I didn't enjoy the place more (sarcasm in case you missed it). Upon my last visit, about 6 months ago, the place had been enlarged, the waiting areas, yes plural now, were bright and open, with plasma t.v.'s at each end.  When going back to the exam rooms, I no longer had to pass the "Chemo lounge". This is where the fun is...all the people in their reclining chairs, some with blankets, some with hair, some awake and some just there...vacant in a way, hooked up to I.V.'s of all kinds of poisons.  I know my first time by the room, I couldn't look away...knowing that soon, I would be in one of those chairs and people were going to pass by that room and look at me...and wonder.....everyone in that room and in that building, wondered.  I'm not ashamed to admit I was afraid, not of dying, I've never been afraid I would die from breast cancer, but of all of the side effects of chemo.  I can't even call it chemotherapy, those two words seem like an oxymoron, to me.  Therapy???  In my mind, not so much.  They should call it what it is....POISON, a necessary poison.  It will attack all the bad cells, but unfortunately, some healthy ones as well....ergo the hair loss, loss of appetite, lack of energy, mental numbness, and a general feeling of yuckiness (my term).
My doctor, before the first treatment, prescribed a heavy duty anti-nausea medication.  I called a few pharmacies in the area to find out whether they could fill the prescription....3 could not, of those  I was told the 3, keep that in mind, capsules would cost $1200, which was not covered by my insurance....what?????  My last phone call was to Kroger pharmacy, God bless them, yes they could get it, not something they stocked, and it would be covered by my insurance and all I would have to pay was the co-pay...let's just say Kroger became my pharmacy of choice!!  3 little capsules, that stood between me and a night with my head in the toilet.   I had horrific heartburn...nothing would get rid of it, that first night was rough, but not as bad as it could have been without the capsules.
The next morning, forcing myself out of bed, I was off to work.  OH...but first, I forgot, I had to go back to the oncologist and get an injection that would boost my white blood cell count.  The last thing they wanted for me was to any kind of infection. That shot hurt so bad!!! I think I hated those more than the I.V. needle.  Then it was off to work.... I'm not kidding, by noon, I was exhausted...the people in my office forced me home and to bed.  The process became routine, treatment, rough night and next few days, feel better than time for another treatment....appetite became non-existent.  After my 3rd treatment, I was lying in bed and I heard a very strong voice say to me, "enough". The next day  I called my oncologist and he recommended a second opinion, as did my children.  I only got the second opinion for my children...I was okay with just quitting.  The second opinion oncologist agreed, but only if I took the 4th treatment.  The other 4 treatments, with a different chemo drug, was not essential.  I was, according to him and my own oncologist, at a 90% cure rate with the surgery and the initial chemo treatments.  The additional 4 wouldn't add much to the percentages...I agreed whole heartedly, and the decision was made.  I know I made the right decision for me....I feel it was God talking to me, and when God talks, especially that strongly, I listen.
Ta,ta for now